chapter 1
EVOLUTION OF GENERATION K
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You may be one of those people who believes Kvechies are nothing new.1 They have always been around. Or, at least, the Kvechie gene has always been around. In pre-historic years, this gene may have molded an entire society of cave persons who labeled themselves GENERATION ?. Of course, one couldn't define GENERATION ? but the characteristics common to their 90's counterparts were, even then, conspicuous, i.e.:CAVE BOY: So, where should we crash, my cave or yours?CAVE GIRL: (grunting) If that, like, calls for a decision, Dude, I'm totally zero.CAVE BOY: So, then, like, let's just chill out under this rock.CAVE GIRL: Whatever.CAVE BOY: I carved a new pipe from dinosaur bone.CAVE GIRL: Cool.CAVE BOY: We can smoke the marrow.CAVE GIRL: No S---!CAVE BOY: -- and, like, explore how we fit into the anathema of existance.CAVE GIRL: Don't psyche me out, Dude. We're here because we're here. You got some flint?This vignette illustrates how the Kvechie gene has permeated mankind's history. Did you know the controversial Gautama S. Buddha was an undeclared Kvechie? True, he stemmed from preppy roots, but he converted at an early enough age to qualify.2 Consider the pattern: Here was a young person of great wealth whose parents gave him everything. But, he was a malcontent. So, he body-pierced his ears (causing hideous deformities), put on a flannel shmateh, bailed out on his woman and became a vegetarian. Then he hiked through the wilderness to crash under a Bodhi tree. Did he find the answer he sought, i.e., "Like, why must Man suffer?" Apparently. So he took the middle road, ate some red meat and died from botulism. (Gautama S. Buddha was one of the very few Kvechies who ever came up with an answer to anything).Then there was Jeremiah Zerkin (J.Z.), a young, promising Harvard Law student who lived around the turn of the century. Although most historians ignore his celebrity, J.Z. was known for having authored the very first lawyer joke: "How many lawyers does it take to screw a kerosene lamp?" which he artfully scrawled on his dormitory walls with candle wax. He was given an ultimatum by the Dean of Student Affairs to either apologize or seek a career change. J.Z. seized the opportunity to renounce authority, turned in his quill and formed a mandolin band called, "Hey, Why Not?" The group never made it big, but they gave free concerts on the banks of the Charles River where J.Z. met a cute groupie who resembeld Amy from "Little Women", and they crashed together in her father's coach house. (Jeremiah Zirkin was one of the very few Kvechies known to have a sense of humor).But now it's the nineties...The contemporary Kvechies, not unlike a streptococcus, has metamorphosed, adapting itself to its new end-of-the-century environment. By 2001, many outstanding Kvechies will have left their ? on society -- primarily through their medium of choice, the FILM DOCUMENTARY.The following is an authorized clip from Kvechie, Brian Gellender's senior college project, in black & white Super 8, titled: "Nowhere to Go but Down".3|
FADE IN. EXTERIOR. LATE SUMMER. Dark clouds waft over a barren country hillside as raw, angry wind pummels the decaying blades of grass, killing them. CUT TO CLOSE SHOT: A lone tree stump dominates the frame, stark and peculiar against the gray background. |
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MUSIC UP FADE TO BLACK MUSIC OUT |
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